Ep 65 Embracing Change

Are you afraid of change? Does it make you feel vulnerable and out of control?
Me too.
Especially when my world came crashing down on me. Then I was forced to learn how to embrace change and even MAKE changes happen purposefully in order to live in peace and fulfillment.

Tell me how you're making changes in your life!
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Transcript

Mandy:
Hey there! You’re listening to theDream Big & Kick Ass Podcast.  I’m Mandy, your host and I’m so glad you’re here! 

If you want encouragement, inspiration, support, empowerment … Join me as we talk about real life stories of finding and following your purpose, overcoming adversity, and living out your dreams. 

If you believe life’s too short to be caught up in insecurities, fear, and feeling defeated, then let’s hang out (pause)  in the Dream Big & Kick Ass (tiny pause) Podcast.

A little over 23 years ago, I came home from church to find emergency vehicles in our driveway. Of course, I freaked out, jumped out of the car and ran to the door, where one of the EMTs met me. I don’t remember his exact words, but it was my dad and something to do with his heart. 

I looked into the living room from the entryway to see him on the floor with about 5 guys hovering and working on him. He wasn’t responsive. I didn’t know at the time … but he was already gone.

My entire world came crashing down on me that day. I was never good with change. In fact, I dug my heels in as much as possible to keep things from going off track in my life. Change was too scary and unpredictable. Change was confusing. Change made me vulnerable. I didn’t like that, as you might not either. But, that day, I had zero control over the monumental change that took place in my life and my family’s lives. Change happens whether you like it or not, whether you invite it or not. 

So, it’s been a rocky road, but I’ve learned since losing my dad, that change isn’t necessarily bad; it can be good. That embracing change makes it much more palatable, and I’ve learned that MAKING change on purpose can even be, dare I say it, ENJOYABLE and LIBERATING.

So, fast forward to almost 2 years ago ...

I was a few months shy of turning 50. The big FIVE-O! And I realized I was miserable, had been a middle school English teacher for 15 years, was in debt because, you know, teacher pay, had recently obtained a newer car that didn’t require duct tape to keep the trunk closed, and I was overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, depression, and working way more hours than I should have been. I had no peace, I couldn’t fall asleep because my mind was racing about all the things I didn’t get done and what about this kid and that kid and did I remember to document all of the incidents today?  

I was crying all the time, and I was thinking, “What the hell am I doing? And why? I’m almost 50. My life is half-way over, and this is where I am. I don’t want to live like this because this isn’t living; this is just existing.”

I had no more creativity flowing. Everything was data driven. Data, data, data, even though districts preach “relationships are the key,” (and that’s true, but) there’s no real time to establish those relationships effectively when what districts really care about is $ and test scores. I could not align myself with that notion any longer.  

I realized that I kept hanging on and hoping things would get better. I worked in 4 different districts in 5 different schools, hoping to find a different system, a different set up. A different way of doing things. Hoping to find a place that wasn’t completely overwhelming with unrealistic expectations. Because, you know what, I’m hard on myself. Most teachers are. We are generally rule followers and we want to do a great job, but in the words of comedian teacher, Eddie B., “I ain’t Jesus!”

Each school did some things differently, but the testing data and the overwhelm was always present because of the way the whole education system is. I think it’s all money and politics, and principals, teachers, paras, & students get the crap that rolls down hill. Anyway, I had my fill of it all.

So, I finally came to realize that I needed to take control of my own life and stop allowing entities to control when I had to wake up, when I could go to the bathroom, when and how long I could eat lunch, when I could go take care of my mom and family, when I could go to the doctor, whose funeral I could attend without having to provide proof. I wanted to be able to use a personal day when I needed it without getting a guilt trip by admin (not all of my admin were like this), or sacrificing a day of learning for my kids because subs were hard to come by or without feeling guilty because my colleagues would have to give up their plan time in order to cover my class. I did the same when they were gone.

I was tired of disrespectful students being allowed to disrupt my class and the learning environment for other students. I was tired of being berated by and falsely accused by parents and their kids, just because I had high expectations for them or because I asked them to do their work. That’s just barely scratching the surface. 

To top it all off, I now know that part of the problem was that I was dealing with an autoimmune disease that I wasn’t yet aware of.

So, I had to make a tough decision, even if it was the wrong one. I needed to make the change instead of waiting for change to magically happen in a way that I could align myself with peacefully.

Maybe you’re in that situation right now. Maybe you’re scared to make a drastic decision because you’re not sure what you can do besides what you’ve been doing for so long. I know the feeling. I spent most of my summers Googling, researching, and taking courses to expand my skill set. But, I want to tell you that you don’t necessarily have to do all that in  order for you to change your situation. You’ve just got to be bold enough and sick and tired enough of your current situation to take a leap. Maybe it’s not your job, maybe it’s some other scenario that’s holding you back or making you think that you have no other options. There are always other options. You just need to allow yourself to think outside the box and explore other options. Then, when you face the fear and do it anyway, whatever IT is for you, you will be amazed at what other opportunities come your way, just because you’ve opened yourself up to embrace change. 

Let me know how you are embracing change or making change happen in your life right now! Reach out to me! (links are in the show notes!)

If you’re enjoying this podcast and getting inspiration and encouragement, then please subscribe, leave a positive review, and share it with 3 of your friends who need a boost of hope and motivation to dream big!

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If you’d like to help defer some of what it costs to help keep it going, then you can click the buy me a coffee link in the show notes or on my website at mandysawyer.com/podcast.

Also, if you need to delegate some virtual tasks that are bogging you down and keeping you from moving forward in your business, then check out my virtual assistant services on my website mandysawyer.com and schedule a free consultation call with me. I’d love to help you out during a VIP day where I’ll focus only on tackling YOUR tasks so that you have more time to shine in your zone of genius!

Thank you so much for listening & remember to Dream Big & Kick Ass.